


Briar Engagement

by Kitsune_no_Kami



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: Domestic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Happy Ending, Hopeful, Post-Canon, Reunions, Ten Years Later, Tenderness, allusionstosomeoftheproblematicstufffromtheseries, butonlyabit, notalldoomandgloom, somesliceoflife, themoviesortofhappenedbuttheydontremember
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:35:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28069407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitsune_no_Kami/pseuds/Kitsune_no_Kami
Summary: It was a rose petal, pink and waxy between her fingers. It had been gifted to her by a freak wind … but it wasn’t hers to keep. If it wanted to move on, she would accept that. She gently blew the petal away from her, expecting it to take flight and leave her behind. Instead, it twirled about as if contemplating its options, before a fresh gust blew it back towards her, entangling it in her vast purple curls.Suddenly she heard a voice behind her.
Relationships: Himemiya Anthy & Tenjou Utena, Himemiya Anthy/Tenjou Utena
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	1. Prologue

_What is eternity?_

The question seemed to echo inside her head, growing louder with each repetition, settling itself deeper and deeper into her mind.

Lightning flashed, briefly illuminating the cavernous cathedral and the three coffins that lay therein. One of them was open, revealing a young girl curled up inside. Then the flash faded and the hall was plunged into darkness once again.

Most children would have feared the dark, but the girl welcomed it like a comforting blanket she could hide beneath. Here, nobody tried to tell her that she had to stay strong because that’s what her mother and father would have wanted, nobody asked her how she felt, told her that it would get better with time …

Why couldn’t they see what was plainly in front of them? Life was nothing special, nothing more than a journey that people endured, patiently waiting to arrive at their destination … and waiting for them stood a large casket, its lid gaping open like a hungry mouth.

The girl did not see any point in enduring the journey. She would rather just climb into the coffin and let the world end … and as if by magic, she had found one conveniently waiting for her.

_There’s no such thing as something eternal._

The sun went up, but it had to set. One day people were there, the next day they were gone. Why get up if you knew you were going to fall back down?

The sound of footsteps cut through the silent darkness. They slowed as they got closer to the girl, then came to a halt.

The girl wanted to keep her eyes shut forever. She wanted to disappear, fade away into nothing, follow her parents into another world.

And yet …

She couldn’t help it … she was curious … she thought she was the only one so miserable she’d hide in a church at night …

Slowly, the girl opened her eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

The young woman who stepped off the train drew quite a few looks in her bright pink travel suit. She didn’t care. Pink was _her_ colour. Let them look.

The first time she had come to this town she had worn the same outfit. When dressing that morning she had felt the need to relive the moment she had left the confines of Ohtori and begun her journey. That had been ten years ago …

She surveyed the small station. It had barely changed since she had last seen it all those years ago. There were only two platforms, a few vending machines and a shop crammed under the archway that led out onto the street, all connected by a slow trickle of people bustling about.

Anthy loved train stations, which even she found strange, since she disliked crowds in general. But she supposed it was the air of possibility surrounding them she liked: everyone was going somewhere, nothing was stagnant.

An indignant “Chu!” brought her back to the present. Chu-chu had sat himself on top of her suitcase, his little face screwed up in a mischievous _well-aren’t-you-going-to-get-on-with-it_ expression. She smiled and tickled him behind the ears. She wanted to wait until the group of passengers that had gotten off the train together with her had dispersed a little, so that she wouldn’t have to squeeze past them through the narrow exit onto the main road. Besides, the man who’d sat opposite her was staring and she didn’t want to endure any attempts to initiate a conversation he might make if she started walking next to him. He’d been trying to make eye contact with her since he’d boarded. When Anthy had stood and made attempts to retrieve her case, he’d jumped up and insisted on doing it for her. She’d given him an icy _thank you_ , and managed to escape before he could make his hands accidentally brush hers, but she could feel him staring at her and deliberately avoided his gaze.

A tinny voice announced via speaker that the train was departing and as it did, the rush of air made her hair flutter across her face. She brushed it aside, and her gaze fell onto a second, smaller exit on the other end of the platform. Yes, why not try that?

Chu-chu scuttled up onto her shoulder as she grabbed her case. It turned out the exit led out onto a quiet pedestrian square, surrounded by old brick buildings, one of them being the train station. But on the far side of the square, she could see a wide open green area surrounded by a waist-high wrought-iron fence. Chu-chu sniffed the air, gave a small titter and turned his wide, begging eyes on her.

“I already bought you snacks on the train”, she chided him gently, but set off towards the park anyway.

It turned out to be a lot larger than Anthy had anticipated. The area to the right of her was dappled with trees showing off their spring blossoms and as she walked along the gravelled path, she glimpsed a lake glistening in the distance. Chu-chu sat up excitedly when he spotted the small café that had enticed them into the park in the first place.

She bought Chu-chu something to nibble on and got a tea for herself. The girl serving her had stared a little when she spotted the little creature on her shoulder, but when Anthy introduced Chu-chu the stare turned into a smile. “Oh, he’s adorable”, she’d said and had given them an extra biscuit for free.

Funnily enough, people never commented on Anthy’s hair. You’d think a deep violet like that would warrant a few remarks, but people never seemed to notice. She wondered if Utena experienced the same reaction, bright pink wasn’t exactly a common colour …

Anthy clutched the handle of her suitcase a little tighter as she thought of her. Inside that case was her most precious possession: a small photograph in a pink frame. She remembered the prick of jealousy she’d felt when Utena had suddenly invited her brother to join the photo and her knee-jerk reaction at seeing him putting his arm on her shoulder. It was supposed to be _their_ photo, Utena had specifically asked _her_ and she did not want to have it spoiled by his wandering hands … as so many things had been.

Thankfully, Anthy had been able to move between them and then … she wasn’t quite sure she had consciously done it … she found herself holding Utena’s hand, and liking it. She had stood close to her, far closer than to _him_ , and had half-expected Utena to flinch at her touch or drop her hand as soon as the shutter had clicked, but she didn’t. Anthy had been the one to let go, not wanting him to see.

A small _chu_ brought her back to the present.

“You’re right, let’s sit down”, she said and looked around to see if any of the benches scattered across the park were free. It was a warm spring afternoon, so the benches had filled up, but Anthy wasn’t in a hurry. Her room wasn’t going to be available until later and she might as well soak up some sun. Clutching her steaming tea in one hand and carrying her case in the other – Chu-chu had _of course_ put himself in charge of the biscuits – she took the opportunity to explore the park further.

She had not known about this town possessing such a large and beautiful park. The first time she had been here had been almost ten years ago, it was the first town she had passed through after leaving Ohtori, and she had been more focused on trying to spot a tall pink-haired girl amongst its busy streets than admiring the town itself. It was apparently quite well known for being a pretty town. Kuneha, a friend she’d made during college, had sighed enviously when she heard Anthy was moving there. “It’s a beautiful part of the country”, she had said excitedly, “Plus, it’s not too far away from where I’m living now! Promise you’ll visit!” Anthy had promised and had meant it.

Going to University had been a good decision. Anthy had initially worried it was going to remind her of Ohtori, but had been pleasantly surprised. She had been searching for Utena for so long, working jobs all over the place, taking trains on a whim and seeing where they would take her, all in hope of finding that familiar face in a crowd. Ferries, trains, airplanes had taken her across borders both man-made and natural. Oceans and mountain ranges had passed her by, much like during her youth with Dios.

At the start of her journey, her dreams had been vivid and strange … she had dreamt of roses growing in a garden in the sky, of swords clanging, of racing along an endless road as black cars chased her from behind … but those nightly visions had faded the further she moved from Ohtori.

All the while she’d been doing various kinds of work, even working as a florist for a bit because it reminded her of their promise.

A _lthough never in a kitchen_ , she thought with a wry smile.

However, at some point she began to wonder about training professionally as something. Anthy had known that she never ever wanted to go through the misery of school again – she’d spent enough time there. But surely college was different?

And so, on a whim, she had enrolled at a respected University. Turned out she still had a few tricks up her sleeve and knew how to make a blank sheet of paper look like it was something important … like a High School Diploma. Having worked for years and spent almost nothing, money wasn’t an issue.

As for the course, at first her thoughts had turned to Botany. However, then she thought it might be a bit same-y … much as she loved working with plants, she felt like doing something different. But what? After hours of ruminating, she decided to take a risk. After all, she liked animals, she knew a lot about plants and their medicinal properties, so how hard could veterinary medicine be?

The answer to that, was _very_ hard.

And Anthy had loved it.

It had been challenging but rewarding. To her surprise, she had also managed to make a handful of friends to add to her list of acquaintances from her various jobs. Even though Anthy was not a fan of the wilder side of college life, she had embraced the quieter opportunities to meet people around campus or in the college’s botanical garden where she spent a lot of her time.

Sometimes, Anthy couldn’t believe the feeling of peace she carried within her was real. It was like the opening of the Rose Gate had gifted her a new body and a new heart, ones that weren’t numbed by pain – and perhaps it had, after all, even she did not fully understand the deep magic that her brother had so arrogantly sought to harness for his own benefit. While she remembered everything from before her fall, it seemed distant and hazy. The sting had been taken from the memories. Only the moments she had shared with Utena were crystal clear.

She had shared an apartment with Kuneha, whose girlfriend had been the first to notice the photograph in Anthy’s room. “Who’s that?”, she’d asked with a mischievous grin and pointed at Utena’s smiling face.

Anthy’s heart had given a painful pinch. “Oh … my best friend. From school.”

Ginko had raised an eyebrow at her. “A very pretty friend, if I may say so.” Then she’d smiled and asked: “So, is she the reason why you never go on dates? Is she currently training somewhere else?”

Anthy had not quite known how to respond, tried to think up a convenient lie or half-truth to make Ginko drop the subject … but then decided on the truth, or as close to the truth as she could get. No more lies. “I lost contact with her after she got … expelled. I haven’t seen her since.”

Ginko had glanced back at the photo. “Expelled, huh? Sounds like she was quite the rebel.”

“She was certainly … revolutionary”, Anthy had replied. Chu-chu had tittered.

“But you haven’t seen her since ?”

Anthy bit her lip. “No.”

This time Ginko’s smile had lost its mischievous quality and had turned a little sad. “You know, I’m sure she wouldn’t want you to spend years holding a candle for her. You can see other people, you know? Live in the present! You’re not short of offers, from what I hear …”

It was true, the pretty girl who spent most her time in the library or botanical garden had cast quite the spell on a large chunk of the campus, much to her irritation. Most of the time a polite “I’m very flattered, but I’m afraid I can’t accept” was all it took to extricate herself, but one boy had taken a little firmer persuasion. She’d eventually resorted to offering him some of her lunch, which had happened to be curry … Needless to say, once the effects wore off, he stayed well away from her. Chu-chu had once again been a most willing accomplice.

“Ginko!”, Kuneha had interrupted her girlfriend, stepping into the room, “Stop playing matchmaker!”

Anthy had laughed, seeing those two cross with each other was a common occasion. “It’s alright, I don’t mind … and it’s not really like that … well … I don’t know … Utena and I … Utena and I …”

She’d trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. How could she even begin to explain what Utena was to her? How often she lay awake at night and wished her hand lay in hers, how she wanted nothing more than to turn around and find her sleeping beside her, how lonely it was after having that warmth and protection torn from her at the very moment she decided she was going to reach for it … 

Suddenly she found that Ginko and Kuneha were both staring at her with wildly different expressions: Ginko’s face was exasperated, Kuneha’s was laughing.

“I knew you had a special someone”, Kuneha had grinned.

Ginko had groaned. “Anthy, clinging to someone from the past is not healthy! I can totally set you up with some of my friends – boys or girls, whatever-“

“Oh, stop meddling”, Kuneha had said and playfully slapped Ginko.

Those two were the kind of people that had found happiness together and assumed that all their friends could find happiness the same way, pushing everyone towards what they perceived as the best path for them. It actually reminded Anthy of Utena when they had first become engaged …

But although she knew Ginko’s comments had been well-intended - Anthy could spot facetiousness a mile away - their conversation had got her thinking. What if Utena didn’t remember her at all? This was a common fear Anthy had. But even if she did, what if she didn’t want to spend time with Anthy? What if she just …

Anthy’s stomach had tied itself in knots.

She knew that she had to accept whatever life Utena had chosen for herself, that she had no right to demand a place by her side … she remembered a whisper that had carried from the Rose Gate across the chasm separating them … past the swords sinking themselves into her flesh, carried through their hateful words …

_Himemiya … after all this time you still don’t know … how happy I was just being with you …_

The next time Ginko mentioned setting her up with someone, Anthy had looked up from her tea and said thoughtfully: “I actually … am not looking for anything. I’m happy just like this.” Seeing Ginko’s sceptical face, she added: “Really, I’m not looking for a relationship. Even if I meet her again, maybe she doesn’t – you know, we’ll figure it out from there. She has the right to choose whatever life she wants for herself, too … whether that’s a life that includes me in some form of not.” Anthy knew what she would prefer. “But right now, I’m happy the way things are.”

Ginko had smiled. “Alright then.”

And that had been the end of that.

“Chu!”

Her companion’s excitement brought her back to the present. Three empty benches had appeared further along the path, set back amongst a tangle of roses at the very edge of the park. Red, pink and white roses filled the air with that familiar scent – Anthy instantly chose the bench in front of the pink roses.

Sipping her tea, she watched passers-by walking about the park. The entire area seemed to give off an air of quiet contentedness. She contemplated digging out her sketchbook, but decided it was too much trouble. A slight breeze made the branches stir overhead and give the light a shimmering quality, along with sending a few loose blossoms through the air. Anthy watched one lazily float towards her, then decided to reach out and let it settle itself in her palm . It was a rose petal, pink and waxy between her fingers.

It had been gifted to her by a freak wind … but it wasn’t hers to keep. If it wanted to move on, she would accept that. She gently blew the petal away from her, expecting it to take flight and leave her behind. Instead, it twirled about as if contemplating its options, before a fresh gust blew it back towards her, entangling it in her vast purple curls. Suddenly she heard a voice behind her.

“I never get tired of them, you know.”

Anthy spun around, but saw only the rosebush, it’s flowers swaying innocently in the wind. Then, through a gap in the thicket of petals and thorns, she just about made out a tall, slender figure standing on the other side, the side that was outside the park. Squinting, she made out a cap covering the person’s head and throwing a dark shadow onto their face, obscuring their features.

A man’s voice suddenly chimed in. “Well, you certainly do take the time to stop and smell the roses.” He sounded a little playful. His voice seemed to be coming to the right of the figure Anthy was looking at. “I personally don’t care much for them. They’re really just awful thorny things hiding behind the pretty flowers.”

The person who had first spoken laughed in response. “I wouldn’t be so harsh. Roses need their thorns to protect themselves”, came the reply and the voice sent a chill down Anthy’s spine. Momentarily frozen, she watched the silhouette turn its head and found herself staring at a face she had been searching for ten years.

In a flash, Anthy leapt to her feet and grabbed her case, as Chu-chu hopped onto her shoulder. She had to find a way out of the park _now_ – why hadn’t she paid more attention where the exits were? – she could not afford to lose her again … _there_! A small gate just over to her right appeared out of nowhere and Anthy ran gratefully towards it.

Outside the park, she turned and looked up the road – there were two figures standing by the roses, she saw them now, she had to be quick, they were about to turn and leave … one of the figures turned slightly, as if sensing something. Anthy caught a flash of pink peeking out from beneath a dark cap and –

BANG.


	3. Chapter 3

Anthy was aware that she must have closed her eyes. How strange … hadn’t she just been running? 

Yes, it was coming back to her now … she had been in a park, she’d just gotten off the train … she hadn’t checked into her room yet, though, so why had she fallen asleep –

_Utena._

She remembered recognizing her handsome profile through the wall of thorns and flowers, remembered running towards her …

Suddenly she grew aware of a deep, throbbing ache in her skull and winced. But she had to know. Slowly, very slowly, she managed to peek out between her eyelashes.

She could only see a small sliver of the room she was in, opening her eyes any further was too painful. Through her narrow vision she saw a pair of hands on a white duvet cover. There was something unusual about them … it took her a moment to realise that only one of the hands belonged to her.

The pale hand holding hers belonged to the young woman sitting beside her. She only saw her out of the corner of her eye but knew who it was. Straining to turn her head a little, she saw Chu-chu, sitting on what appeared to a plain bedside table, surrounded by a small pile of biscuits, the type that came individually wrapped and were usually found in cafeterias. Two cups were steaming next to a discarded brimmed cap. But Chu-chu wasn’t eating for a change, despite being surrounded by snacks he had curled himself around Utena’s other hand and was snoring peacefully. Behind them, the setting sun was filtering through the shutters, painting everything in the room a warm gold.

Anthy wanted to see Utena’s face properly, wanted to sit up, say all the words she’d left unsaid … but as she tried to move, a sharp pain shot through her head and her vision went blurry.

Forced to close her eyes, Anthy tried to speak, but no sound came. But she heard Utena move, heard the rustle of her clothes and as she leaned in closer, she could smell her light, almost floral scent.

“Himemiya?”, she heard her whisper softly.

How Anthy had ached to hear her say it again!

Again, she tried to speak, but couldn’t. The headache was beginning to throb inside her skull and Anthy could feel her body pulling her back towards sleep … but she couldn’t sleep, not when she had so much to say …

She felt a light pressure on her hand and Anthy managed move her fingers ever so slightly in response. She felt the sharp intake of breath as Utena realised she was stirring.

All of a sudden, a door opened and quick, efficient footsteps entered the room. Anthy felt Utena withdraw her hand and lean away from her.

“Tenjou-san”, she heard a woman’s voice hiss, “I have already asked you to leave. Your concern is touching, but I cannot allow you to stay in a room with an unconscious patient by yourself. I am sure you know the rules, being an officer of the law.”

“Could you not stay with me until she regains consciousness?”, Utena asked, “I’ll leave then, but please let me stay until she wakes up.”

Anthy heard the other woman exhale noisily. “Officer Tenjou”, she replied with more than a hint of frustration, “You are not part of this young woman’s family. You _must_ leave, I will take it from here.”

There was a moment of silence.

“I can have you thrown out, you know!”, the woman snapped angrily.

Anthy could hear Utena sigh, then slowly get up. Chu-chu whimpered and Anthy tried with all her might to sit up, to tell the nurse to let Utena stay … but the more she struggled, the more she slipped under the surface …

“Fine. I will wait in the atrium then. Would you at least give her this when she wakes up, please?”

Anthy heard the crinkle of paper. She heard the other woman say something, but couldn’t make out the words …

The dream she found herself floating through was a familiar one. A shaft of light cut through the darkness above her, and Utena’s face appeared. Only this time, Anthy didn’t hesitate. She reached, their hands met and Anthy held on to her as tightly as she could. Then the dream dissolved …

When she opened her eyes next, she saw that the world outside the window had turned pitch-black. She then became aware of a steady beeping sound filling the room and turned to find a woman in a nurse’s uniform staring down on her.

“Ah good, you’re awake”, she said briskly. Anthy recognized the voice, it was the same voice that had made Utena leave.

“Where’s Utena?”, she asked, her voice shaky and hoarse.

“Utena, huh? First names, you two must be close, no wonder she made such a fuss”, the woman muttered.

Anthy struggled to extricate herself from the sheets and sat up. “Officer Tenjou then”, she said, trying to keep the irritation out of her voice, “Where is she? Can I speak to her?” Groggily, she made to get out of bed.

The woman snuck a slightly sceptical look at her from the corner of her eye. “You two make quite the pair, you’re almost as bad as she was”, she said drily as she gently pushed Anthy back down, “But you aren’t going anywhere until Dr. Sato has seen to you.”

“Chu!” Her companion pounced onto Anthy’s chest and stared indignantly up at the nurse. The nurse sighed and glared at Chu-chu and Anthy in turn, unsure which of these strange individuals irked her more.

Anthy was thoroughly annoyed by this stage, which made her aching head spin, which annoyed her even further.

“Can I just see her-“

“Himemiya-san, you need to calm down”, the nurse cut her off smoothly, “If you get up now, you’ll just fall over and injure yourself even more, we don’t want that now, do we?”

Suddenly the door opened. “How is – ah, I see you are awake.”

A middle-aged woman with salt-and-pepper hair stepped into the room. She carried an air of understated authority about her.

“She just woke up”, the nurse said and handed her a clipboard.

“About time”, the doctor said with a quick glance in Anthy’s direction, “Any longer and it would have been serious.”

“She’s very agitated and keeps trying to get out of bed, even though she is in no fit state to walk about”, the nurse reported.

“She’s right here”, Anthy said pointedly.

The woman – Dr. Sato, presumably - smiled wryly. “Well, it’s good that your mental faculties appear to be unharmed. You had a nasty accident, according to the witness, Miss … Tenjou”, she glanced at the clipboard, “Officer Tenjou, I should say … according to her, you ran out onto the road and got hit by a vehicle. You were lucky the driver saw you and managed to break at the last minute, that could’ve ended very seriously …”

“I’d like to speak to her, please”, Anthy said for what felt like the tenth time.

Dr. Sato looked at Anthy and handed the clipboard back to the nurse. “We need to do some quick tests first to make sure you’re alright … but I don’t see why not. Perhaps you could check if she is still here?”, she added to the nurse as she took out a flashlight from her breast pocket.

Anthy saw the nurse fight hard to repress the urge to roll her eyes, but she nodded and left the room.

“How is your head?”, Dr. Sato asked her as the door clicked shut.

Anthy felt for her temple and was surprised to find a bandage there. “It’s … fine, actually. A little sore, but not as bad as earlier.”

Dr. Sato raised an eyebrow. “Downplaying everything won’t persuade me to discharge you more quickly, you know?” She didn’t wait for Anthy to reply before asking: “Have you had anything to drink?”

Anthy shook her head, which was a bad idea as it sent the entire room spinning.

“We’ll have to fix that – ah, I see someone has thought ahead”, the doctor noted with approval and gestured towards the two cups sitting on the bedside table, no longer steaming. Watching Anthy choose one of them and take a few sips of the cold tea, Dr. Sato was silent for a moment. “Utena is a very thoughtful person”, she remarked suddenly, “Always looking out for others. You were lucky she was there when you got hit, she gave us your name and even your blood type.”

Anthy was surprised at the use of Utena’s first name. “You know her well?”

The doctor smiled. “I mean, in this profession you meet many police officers. But I actually looked after Utena when she was younger, we know each other from back then. Strange situation it was. Poor thing just appeared out of nowhere …” Her eyes unfocused and took on a pained expression. “So confused, barely conscious, no recollection of how she got here … and an awful stab wound. Someone had run her through with what must have been a sword. A sword wound, in this day and age!”

The doctor looked up when she heard Anthy’s heart monitor going crazy.

“I’m fine”, Anthy hastily assured her and closed her eyes, forcing herself to breathe slowly and deeply. She heard the staccato _beep-beep_ steady itself into a more normal rhythm.

When Anthy next opened her eyes, Dr. Sato had seated herself on the chair next her, her expression inscrutable, but not unkind. Her eyes were almost … knowing.

Aware that she was being observed, the doctor smiled reflexively and brandished the small torch. “Time to start those tests, Himemiya-san. Please follow the light … “

Dr. Sato had just declared the that she was going to send Anthy for a scan first thing in the morning, when the nurse re-entered the room. Anthy’s eyes lingered on the door, hoping a second figure would step through, but it swung shut with a disappointing _click_.

“I’m afraid you’ve just missed her. Officer Tenjou was called away”, the nurse said, “The receptionist heard her partner say something about an emergency …”

_Her partner …_

Anthy felt like she’d eaten too much shaved ice.

The nurse actually had the good grace to look a little guilty about having been so against getting Utena sooner. She fumbled in one of her pockets and produced a small folded sheet of paper. “But earlier, she told me to give you this once you woke up.”

It was only a short message: a name and a telephone number in achingly familiar handwriting. As if Utena were worried that Anthy might not remember her name, their time at Ohtori.

It meant that Utena _did_ remember.

Warm relief flooded through Anthy. She could feel two pairs of eyes on her and tried to look neutral … something she’d had a lot of practice in.

“Thank you”, she said and smiled.

Dr. Sato nodded to herself, as if confirming some suspicion she’d had, then jotted a few quick notes on the clipboard before handing it back to the nurse. “I’ll wait until I’ve had a chance to look at your scan, but I think you’ve had a narrow escape. You should try and get some more sleep in the meantime.” She stood up. “Take painkillers if you need them, there’s no need to suffer in silence … I make no promises but with a bit of luck, you’ll be discharged around midday tomorrow. Goodnight, Himemiya-san.” And with that, she left.

The nurse skimmed over the notes Dr. Sato had added.

“I forgot to ask your name”, Anthy said, feeling a little guilty about being so annoyed with her earlier. She was only doing her job, it wasn’t her fault that the rules said Utena couldn’t stay in the same room as her. It wasn’t her fault _her partner_ had whisked her away.

Surprised, the woman looked up. “Fujioka Izumi”, she said after a short pause.

“Thank you, Fujioka-san”, Anthy said, “For looking after me and … giving me _this_.” She handed the note to Chu-chu who’d curled up on the bedside table, covered in a fine dusting of biscuit crumbs, empty wrappers all around him.

Nurse Fujioka watched her, then looked at Chu-chu. “You know” she said after a short pause, “I can’t tell if you’re a monkey or a mouse, but whatever you are, you are very cute. I’ll get you some more of those biscuits, little one … and I’ll leave some painkillers on your bedside table.” Then she glanced at Anthy. “If Tenjou-san turns up, I’ll tell her you asked for her. Now, you really should sleep.”

Anthy drifted off before the nurse had even shut the door properly.

Thankfully, it was a dreamless sleep that left her feeling rested, even if her head still ached slightly when she woke up. Finding the nurse had indeed kept her promise to fetch her some painkillers, she decided to take one. Chu-chu was snoring contentedly, an even larger pile of empty wrappers beside him. The morning sun had painted the sky outside a bright pink. Anthy got up and walked over to the window. To her surprise, she saw the park was just across the road, she’d had no idea it was that close. At least they hadn’t had to take her very far …

Anthy was called for her scan shortly afterwards. Even though she hadn’t had to wait long, she was burning with impatience to get it all over with and the hours that went by without Dr. Sato showing up were pure agony. In the meantime, she managed to eat a little and get herself looking presentable. She was relieved to find her case had been put under her bed, with everything inside untouched. As always, her breath caught in her throat when she looked at the photograph.

_Just wait for me a little longer …_

Having freshened up, there was nothing else to do for Anthy except watch Chu-chu chase his own tail (a game he never tired of) and try to ignore the pesky thoughts swimming around her head, all of which concerned Utena’s mysterious partner …

_You knew it was a possibility. She has a life of her own and you need to respect that._

She thought about what Dr. Sato had told her yesterday. Anthy was sure she had checked the hospital when she passed through the town the first time, so she must’ve narrowly missed her. Her journey had taken her across not only Japan but the entire world. She’d known Utena was out there, she’d kept her eyes open, checked records all over the place, but Tenjou Utena, despite her uncommon name, had eluded her … how cruel to think that if only she had left Ohtori a little sooner, they could’ve been reunited in this very hospital ten years ago …

The door opened, breaking Anthy out of her reverie.

“Right”, Dr. Sato said brightly, “Good news, Himemiya-san.”

After removing her bandage and replacing it with a smaller band-aid, the doctor wasted no time in telling her she was ready to be discharged and the pesky paperwork was done quite quickly. 

“Very good … now, remember to take it easy for the next few days”, Dr. Sato said as Anthy hastily filled out her discharge form. The doctor noted the suitcase by the bed. “It’s a shame your arrival in this town took such a dramatic turn. What brings you here, if I may ask?”

“Well, I was planning on working here for a while”, Anthy replied absentmindedly as she signed the form.

Dr. Sato took the sheet of paper and ran her eyes over it. “What do you work as?”

“I’m a vet.” Anthy put on her pink jacket, grabbed her case and held out her arm to Chu-chu, who eagerly scuttled up to perch on her shoulder.

The doctor smiled. “We are not so different then, although I choose to look after humans and you evidently have more of an affinity for animals.”

Anthy turned to face the woman before she left the room. “Thank you for all you’ve done for me.”

“Don’t mention it … oh, and in case you feel like paying the police station a random visit …” A mischievous smile played on Dr. Sato’s lips. “Just go straight through the park, it’s directly on the other side.”

Anthy could feel a faint blush creeping into her cheeks as she thanked her once more and finally left the room she’d been confined to.

_Wait for me, Utena …_

For how long had that thought sustained her, driven her to keep going, keep searching … she was so close now …

The hospital’s atrium was almost empty, but Utena was nowhere to be seen.

“Chu”, her companion said.

“You’re right, looks like the police station is our best bet”, Anthy sighed as she stepped outside. It was a beautiful day, but Anthy did not stop to admire it. She did, however, stop to check for traffic before she crossed the road … she did not need another trip to hospital.

Following Dr. Sato’s directions straight through the park, she ended up outside a large brick building: she didn’t have to read the brass plaque to know it was the police department, the many vehicles parked in front of it were a pretty obvious clue.

“Can I speak with Officer Tenjou?” she demanded of the young man at reception.

He regarded her a little suspiciously and she knew what he was thinking: the woman before him was pretty and her outfit was nicely put together, he had not expected such a neat person to ask him a question with such forcefulness. “If you’d like to report something, I can do that, unless you’re specifically here to -“

“Yes”, Anthy cut him off impatiently, “I’d like to talk to her. Please.”

She saw him bristling slightly, but didn’t care, seeing Utena was all that mattered.

Reluctantly, he nodded and picked up the phone. “Hey, Fukuhara”, he barked into it, “Is Tenjou back yet?”

Anthy waited as the person on the other end took an agonisingly long time to get to the point.

“Ah ok, it’s just that”, the young officer shot Anthy a look, “there’s a woman here. Seems … _eager_ … to speak with her.”

The person at the other end said something and they both laughed. “Sounds about right.” He hung up and looked at Anthy. “She actually came back earlier, but now she’s gone. Don’t know where she currently is, I’m afraid.” He shrugged. “Nothing I can do, Miss.”

Anthy bit her lip for a moment and remembered the note. “Could I – could I use your telephone then? It’d just be for one call.”

The officer sighed and shook his head. “I’m afraid I can’t, only for official police business.”

“Please, it would only be for a moment”, she tried again, but the man shook his head. “I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them.”

“But–“ Anthy was about to needle him for further details on why she couldn’t make just one phone call, but realised that was exactly what he wanted. The man had clearly decided to be as unhelpful as possible and she was not going to give him the satisfaction of letting him wind her up. “Never mind”, she said and adopted the scarily sweet smile she hadn’t used in a very long time. “Thank you, you’ve been very helpful.” The smile had the desired effect, judging by the young officer’s expression.

Back outside, Anthy closed her eyes for a moment and clutched her suitcase’s handle tighter in frustration. What to do now? The hospital’s reception had had a telephone, surely they wouldn’t refuse her a call … or maybe the train station was a better bet, there were usually telephone boxes there?

“Hey, are you alright there?”, a voice asked.

Anthy turned and discovered a guy standing close to her, his expression somewhere between genuine concern and flirtatiousness.

“I’m fine, thank you”, she replied in the calmest voice she could muster at that moment.

“Well, if you don’t mind me saying, you look like you could do with a hot drink. I know a nice place nearby, just a short walk from here”, he offered.

“That’s very kind, but I’m afraid I have a prior engagement”, Anthy said firmly and walked away.

By now, Anthy was feeling thoroughly dejected as she walked through the park once more. Her head had begun to ache and the words _her partner_ had begun to float through her mind again … it had been ten years and the last time they had stood next to each other Anthy had made the coward’s choice and driven a sword through her back …

She noticed her steps had carried her close to where she had sat yesterday. It was a secluded section of the park, with the rosebushes on one side and a line of blossoming cherry trees on the other forming a fragrant tunnel.

Suddenly she realised that there was a figure approaching from the other side, coming from the direction of the hospital, a figure that seemed familiar as it stepped into the light …


	4. Chapter 4

The force of ten years of longing knocked Utena to the ground. Anthy fell on top of her, her head buried against Utena’s chest. She felt strong arms encircling her, holding her close. For a while the only sound in the world was their own ragged breathing.

Finally, Anthy looked up at Utena’s face, so familiar and yet almost imperceptibly different: instead of a pretty girl, she was now looking at a handsome woman.

“I’m sorry I’m late”, she whispered as she reached to cup Utena’s cheek and wipe away a tear.

Utena’s hand found hers. “No, you’re right on time. Ten years, remember?”

Anthy couldn’t tell how long they sat there, wordlessly drinking each other in as they sat amidst a flood of golden sunlight. Birds were chirping and the wind rustled through the branches above, sending blossoms spiralling down all around as Chu-chu watched them from his perch on Anthy’s discarded suitcase. For a moment, the world seemed to stand still.

But, of course, there’s no such thing as something eternal.

Despite her joy, Anthy suddenly felt words bubbling up inside her that she hadn’t been able to utter for ten years. She bit her lip to stifle a sob, then managed to choke out: “I’m sorry about what happened … about what I did to you …“

She wanted to say more, so much more, but Utena gently pressed a finger to her lips and smiled – the same open, incomprehensible smile she had given her after winning her back after her second duel against Touga, when Anthy had been so sure Utena would be angry with her. “Don’t be. If it hadn’t happened, you might not be here.”

Anthy could feel her eyes widen in shock. “But you still don’t know all the – all the things I did for – for- ”

“It doesn’t matter now.” She could feel Utena press her hand and after a moment’s hesitation, returned the pressure. Utena drew a slow breath and momentarily a shadow of pain crossed her face. She paused for a second, before speaking again. “He – Ohtori – the past is in the past. You being here now with me is all that matters to me. You don’t have to tell me things you’d rather forget if it hurts you. But if telling me makes you feel better, I will listen.” Her blue eyes were warm and steady as they met Anthy’s. “Remember, if you ever have a problem …”

More time passed. Anthy could feel more words rising up within, but these were different. They concerned not the past, but the present and Anthy knew she had to be delicate in how she phrased them.

She took a deep breath, then decided to face the situation head on. “So … I hear you have a partner … do you want to tell me a little about them? What’s their name, what do they do … I’m sure they must be a wonderful person if you fell in love with them.” _Because you’re a wonderful person._

“A partner?” Utena’s eyes widened, then a smile stole its way across her features.

Anthy could feel her cheeks flushing and hoped Utena wouldn’t notice. “What’s so funny?”

“I see … I think I know what’s happened … my partner is the guy I work with. Every cop has a partner, don’t you know?”

The cogs in Anthy’s brain were whirring and came up with a rather agreeable conclusion.

“Oh … wait so …”

Slowly, deliberately, she felt Utena take her other hand. After a moment of staring down at their entwined fingers, Utena looked at Anthy and her gaze was suddenly shy and vulnerable.

“I don’t think I’ll be falling in love with someone else any time soon”, she said softly.

Anthy felt her whole body relax as she grasped the meaning. Then she leaned forward and pressed her forehead to Utena’s as she whispered: “It looks like neither of us is going to fall in love again.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a brief mention of domestic abuse in this chapter, but it's not about the main characters.

It was strange, Anthy reflected as she looked at Utena sleeping peacefully. Not strange in a bad way, just in a new way. They were the same people and yet they weren’t.

She propped herself up on her elbow to study Utena better. Her features had retained that balance between masculine and feminine that Anthy had always found so striking. Her long hair was fanned out on the pillow and Anthy felt the urge to reach out and run her fingers through it, an urge that she did not feel for the first time. At first Anthy had thought Utena had cut it and had selfishly lamented the loss – but it turned out Utena had simply pinned it up underneath her cap because the uniform didn’t permit long hair to be worn openly.

“Since when do you abide by uniform regulations?”, Anthy had teased her while they were sitting out on the terrace drinking the tea they had promised each other such a long time ago. Chu-chu had placed himself strategically between Utena and the plate of biscuits she had set out in order to receive the maximum amount of attention and food.

“I never broke any rules!”, Utena had protested with a grin, “The Academy’s guidelines only said students had to wear a boys’ or a girls’ uniform, but it didn’t say girls couldn’t wear a boys uniform … I’d done my research, no rules were broken. I was a model student.”

“Yes, I remember how much the guidance counsellor loved you”, Anthy had replied with her best innocent smile.

The memory had made Utena laugh.

“And now you have become a police officer, a profession that is all about enforcing rules if I’m not mistaken … don’t tell me the high school rebel has turned into an authority figure?” Anthy had pointedly taken a sip of tea while maintaining eye contact, eager to see how she would react. Utena ten years ago would have floundered, but present Utena simply met Anthy’s gaze with a knowing smile and said: “I had a feeling you were going to say something along those lines …” She rested her chin on her hand as she thought for a moment. “I like to think that my previous, ah … _run-ins_ … with people like that have made me aware of how important it is to avoid that behaviour if you want to have any positive impact.” She’d blushed a little and continued: “At least, I hope I do. I don’t mind rules as long I can see a purpose to them – a purpose I agree with. So far, I haven’t found myself having to enforce rules I fundamentally disagree with … I couldn’t – and wouldn’t - do this job if I did.”

It was a sincere and somehow sweet answer. Anthy had watched Utena scratch the back of her neck as she paused for a second to find the right words. Seeing her have the same little nervous ticks as always made Anthy inexplicably happy.

“I really feel like I’m able to do something that is useful. I know the police isn’t perfect, but there are some really good people I work with. It’s annoying that the occasional bad apples give us a bad rep, but that’s the way it always is, isn’t it? We always notice the bad things more somehow … maybe that’s just the way people are.” Utena had suddenly shot a shy glance at Anthy. “What are you thinking?”

The question had caught Anthy off guard. “Oh, nothing really …”, she’d automatically deflected.

Utena had watched her over the rim of her teacup, her eyes thoughtful but gentle. She hadn’t pressed Anthy further, but Anthy had known that Utena was aware of the fact that she was being evasive. There it was again … that quiet perceptiveness that Utena had suddenly begun to show towards the end of their time at Ohtori.

Utena had put her cup down and was evidently about to change the subject for Anthy’s sake, which had strangely touched her and prompted her to burst out: “I was thinking about you.”

“Me?” Her blue eyes had lit up with curiosity and Anthy had felt a blush slowly creeping into her cheeks.

“About how you’re different but somehow still you.” Suddenly embarrassed, she’d stared down into the teacup she was clutching in her hands, her flushed face mirrored back to her on the liquid’s surface. How funny, she’d been the one to test Utena, to see if she’d flounder … now here she was, struggling for words. This very much proved the existence of karma, not that Anthy had ever doubted it.

“I guess I’m just happy to see that you’ve not lost your noble heart, even after everything. That you didn’t let it dull your shine.”

When she’d looked up, Utena was pensively staring at the cloudless sky above. A plane was flying overhead, its contrail dividing the heavens in two. “After we separated”, she’d said quietly, “I thought I’d live with high goals.”

She’d suddenly turned to face Anthy and Anthy had been able to tell that she was consciously banishing a few dark clouds of her own to the corners of her mind.

“But enough about me!”, Utena had said brightly and began bombarding Anthy with questions: Where had she gone? Where had she studied, what had she studied?

“A vet! That’s perfect for you.” Utena had been delighted. “So you can bring Chu-chu to work? I’m sure he’d be terribly lonely without you.” She’d started tickling him behind the ears. “Are you currently working somewhere or are you just here on holiday?”

Anthy had detected a note of well-concealed interest underneath the casual tone of voice. “I came here for a job, actually”, she’d said.

Utena had been quick to inquire if she had a place to stay and Anthy had been just as quick to tell her that apart from the hotel room she’d never gotten to enjoy, she did not. Of course, Utena gallantly offered for her to stay with her and Anthy immediately picked up the offer, both of them pretending that they hadn’t spent the last few hours trying to think of ways to ask the other to live with them. 

The last thing Anthy dimly remembered was that Utena had said she would make lunch for them both … next thing she knew, she’d woken up alone in a double bed. She was amused to note that she was still wearing her clothes from yesterday. Someone had very thoughtfully put a glass of water and a packet of painkillers on the bedside table, where Chu-chu was snoring peacefully.

When she’d peered over the edge of the bed, she’d seen Utena sleeping on an air mattress on the floor below her and had now spent the last few minutes drinking in the sight of her as the morning sun streaming in through the window crept higher into the sky.

Then the alarm rang and the spell was broken.

Like two dancers trying out new steps, they were careful around each other. Very delicately, they began to ease into a new dynamic, rediscovering the aspects of themselves they already knew and getting used to the new parts.

Anthy was delighted to find out that Utena was actually a very talented chef – which was lucky, considering Anthy’s difficult relationship with cooking. She also liked going for runs, either in the morning, or after work. Anthy also learned that Utena had taken up fencing after she’d left Ohtori and had even gotten very good results in the nationals.

Another change occurred that both of them felt was long overdue. They began to use each others’ first names, plain and simple with no honorifics attached. What had once been _Himemiya_ and _Utena-sama_ transformed into _Anthy_ and _Utena_.

Anthy settled into her new job at a practice nearby very quickly: it was small and the staff were friendly. Like her, they were people who tended to prefer the company of animals to that of humans and so she hadn’t had any awkward after-work drinks or office parties foisted upon her. As Utena had predicted, Chu-chu was eager to join her at work and nobody had minded her unusual companion – after all, wasn’t it a good thing for a vet to be fond of animals? She’d also started bringing home the occasional creature which had found its way to the practice’s door. Every time Utena found another new pet waiting for her at home, she’d sigh in mock annoyance, throw a playful glance at Anthy and say: “You can call it anything _except_ Nanami.” 

The old house Utena lived in was small, but had precisely enough space for two people to live comfortably. It was a short car drive outside the town itself and had a big garden filled with trees – which was pretty overgrown. Along with the fact that there was ivy climbing up the frontage, it reminded Anthy a little of the East Dorm they had lived in for a time.

“I really wanted a big garden, somewhere I could just sit outside and not have to worry about neighbours staring or hearing their noise. A nice and peaceful place that felt like a home. It’s a bit shabby, I know, but I’ve been fixing it up bit by bit.”

“You’ve been saving this poor, poor garden for last, I see”, Anthy remarked a little mischievously.

“Hey! We can’t all have green thumbs, you know”, Utena said with a slightly embarrassed laugh as she batted away the high grass and stinging nettles blocking their path, “It’s nothing a bit of tender loving care won’t fix.”

“Forget tender loving care, it needs first aid.”

She was happy to provide that. Anthy was quick to assert her dominion over the wasteland, but where others would have opted for immaculate lawns and neat flower beds, she transformed it into a wilderness dotted with all sort of wondrous and exotic herbs and flowers. Not just roses, but of course, no garden of hers would be complete without them. Even though they carried memories of Ohtori, they also served as a reminder for how far she’d come, so despite some initial misgivings she had included them. Now, seeing them in bloom, she knew she’d been right to plant them.

As she was admiring the fruits of her labour one sunny evening, Utena snuck up next to her.

“Always so pretty.”

Anthy smiled and leaned against her. “Thank you.”

Utena turned to face her, grinning slightly. “And I suppose the roses look nice, too.”

They kept their curious sleeping arrangement, even though it wasn’t quite … _right_.

Like actors rehearsing familiar lines, their usual bed-time conversation would include some variation of the following dialogue:

“Are you comfortable down there?”, Anthy would ask and Utena would smile up at her, curl up on her mattress and say: “I’ll be fine.” Then Anthy would say: “I know _I_ would be very uncomfortable lying on the floor” to which Utena would answer: “Which is why I gave you the bed.” And Anthy would lean on her elbow and say: “How very gallant of you. Well … goodnight.”

Then there were the unscripted, ad-libbed conversations scattered in between.

Once, not long after they had reunited, Utena quietly whispered: “Can I ask you something? You don’t have to reply if you don’t want to.”

Anthy had a feeling she knew where this was heading … and decided she was ready to go there. “Ask me anything.”

“Do you miss him?”

She thought for a long moment, then said: “The brother I loved disappeared a long time ago … if he was ever really there to begin with. What remained of him mistook my love for something else.” Her voice was steady. “He made his choices. Now I have made mine.” She reached out and tenderly rested her hand on Utena’s cheek. “Thank you for showing me the way.”

In the evenings, Utena and herself liked to divide up the day’s newspapers and read them before bed: Utena would get the sports section, Anthy would get the rest and she’d pass it to Utena after she was done – she never bothered with the sports section, busying herself with the crosswords instead.

One particular night, Utena looked up from the article she’d been reading and Anthy could tell from the way she was fidgeting that she was about to say something that had been playing on her mind.

“I went back for you, you know”, she murmured quietly, without looking at Anthy.

“Where?” Alarmed, she sat up. “Not … Ohtori?”

“I tried.” Utena closed her eyes and continued: “After I’d recovered, I went back to Houou City, but somehow … I couldn’t get into the Academy. It was like it was there … but it also wasn’t? I don’t know how to explain it.”

Anthy shifted uncomfortably. “Probably because you got expelled …”

“That’s what I thought, too”, Utena sighed and Anthy noticed with worry that she still hadn’t opened her eyes.

Desperate to distract her, she asked: “Where did you go after … after going back?”

“I went to live with my aunt in Amsterdam for a while.” A slight smile stole onto her face as she said: “I actually managed to sneak into Ohtori’s sister school.“

“You broke into a school?” Sensing her chance to turn the conversation in a lighter direction, Anthy pounced on the opportunity. “Am I hearing correctly, Officer Tenjou has a shameful past as a burglar?“

It sort of worked, Utena laughed and finally opened her eyes. “No, nothing like that. But I did manage to get a phone number for Ohtori’s secretariat.” In a quieter voice, she continued: ”I rang and asked them about you, they said you’d dropped out. That made it a bit easier … I knew my words had reached you, even if my hand couldn’t …”

Wordlessly, Anthy reached down and took a fierce hold of Utena’s hand. After a moment’s hesitation, Utena pressed back. They fell asleep like that, like they had done all those years ago.

The next morning, when Utena was driving them into town for work, Anthy wondered aloud:

“You know, I passed through Amsterdam on my travels … considering the name Utena Tenjou isn’t exactly common in the Netherlands, I can’t believe I couldn’t find you.”

Was it her imagination or was Utena blushing? “Hmm”, she said and cast a quick look at Anthy from the corner of her eye, “Actually, about that … for some reason they gave me a European name over there, it was totally annoying.”

“What? Why?”

“I know! It’s not like “Utena” is _that_ difficult to pronounce!” She rolled her eyes in annoyance. “Anyway, I insisted that everyone should call me Utena and they did, but on all the paperwork I was officially named “Ursula” …”

“Ursula?” Anthy found herself giggling.

Utena’s blush deepened, but she joined in.

One afternoon, Anthy discovered a photo album Utena kept on the bookshelf in the living room, apparently it had been a gift from her aunt. After chiding her for keeping such a treasure hidden, Anthy was flicking through it with her, excited to find out more about the parts of Utena’s life she knew little about.

There were quite a few of Utena during her time in Amsterdam and Anthy scrutinized her expressions, hoping that Utena was cheerfully grinning in all of them, that her experience at Ohtori hadn’t left too deep a mark. Eagerly Anthy scanned the many snapshots of the parts of Utena’s life she’d missed: a newspaper clipping about her excellent results in the fencing nationals, a group photograph of a school basketball team, Utena’s pink hair making it easy to pick her out.

But while Utena was smiling in most, there was a wistfulness about those smiles and her body language portrayed determination rather than relaxation. One particular photo, a polaroid taken of her while she wasn’t looking, showed her staring across a field of red tulips, a pensive expression on her face. It was a beautiful picture, yet seeing it made Anthy want to cry. Before Utena could notice how it affected her – it still caught her off-guard how she now picked up on things like that – Anthy turned the page quickly.

“There aren’t many of you as a child …”, she lamented as she leafed further through the album.

“There’s one here at the back … it’s with my parents.”

It was a faded sepia photograph of a couple in a garden with a girl standing in front of them. The two adults’ expression was hard to make out because of the grainy quality, but they seemed relaxed and cheerful. The little girl had wide perceptive eyes that were staring straight into the camera, as if it were the first time she’d seen one – and perhaps it was. Even as a child, Utena was pretty, Anthy noted. Once again, she got the feeling that she had seen that face before ...

Utena had turned away, as if the picture made her uncomfortable and Anthy quickly moved on to another page in the album. But Utena had turned to a different photograph, the one sitting on the dresser near the window, the only thing that Anthy had kept from her time in Ohtori.

“I remember when we took this”, she said and touched the pink frame carefully.

“It was so sweet of you to suggest it. Nobody had ever asked to have a photo with me before”, Anthy replied as she put her arms round the taller woman’s waist and rested her head against her shoulder. They both looked fondly onto the picture and chose not to comment on the third figure that had been folded out of the frame.

“Speaking of photographs”, Utena broke the silence, “That reminds me! There’s something I wanted to show you …” She went back over to the photo album and began flicking through the pages. “It’s got to be here somewhere – aha!”

She handed it to Anthy and pointed at a picture of a teenage Utena wearing a denim jacket and a heavy backpack standing in front of a cluster of jagged mountains painted pink by the evening sun, matching the girl’s long hair blowing in the wind.

“When I was hiking in the Alps on a school trip”, she explained, “I saw this and it made me think of you. The way the sunset lights up the mountains with that glow gave it the name _Rosengarten_ … rose garden. It’s actually in Italy, despite the German name.”

“Ah … _bellissima_ ”, Anthy said, then, taking a leaf out of Utena’s book, she added playfully: “And I guess the mountains look nice, too.”

Utena suddenly narrowed her eyes, then grinned. “You know, I always had a hunch you spoke Italian.”

“What made you think that?”, Anthy wondered, genuinely surprised. She’d never said anything along those lines …

“I’m right though, aren’t I?”

Anthy arched an eyebrow. “I won’t say anything until you tell me why you think so.”

“Well … you mentioned Cantarella.”

“Once.” Anthy wagged her finger at her. “You’ll need more evidence than that! Just because I am interested in Renaissance Italy doesn’t mean I speak Italian. Call yourself a police officer, tss tss …”

Utena laughed and scratched the back of her neck. “Okay, okay, I have more! Your snails had Italian names.”

“My snails?”

“Yes, the ones in your pencil box! Juliet, Marceline and Catherine … I think?”

“Oh those … “ Anthy had to suppress a wicked grin. They had been most helpful …

“Don’t tell me you kept even more snails!”, Utena laughed.

“Ok fine, I won’t tell you … and those names are French, not Italian. I can’t accept this as evidence, Officer Tenjou.”

Utena looked disappointed but not crestfallen. “Fair enough, but there’s one more. I had my suspicions, but this clinched it for me!”

Anthy narrowed her eyes. “Hm. Go on.”

“Alright, so this one time Touga asked me to go on a date with him-“

“What do you mean _this one time_?”, Anthy burst out, “The way I remember it, you couldn’t go a week without dodging his offers.”

“Ok, yes”, Utena admitted, “But this one time I told him off for badgering me and he said that _It’s never rude to invite a lady for dinner_ and you replied with _That’s an Italian saying, isn’t it?_ ” Utena crossed her arms, mimicking Anthy’s posture with the air of someone who had just played their ace and was itching to see how well it did.

“Hmmm …” Anthy pretended to mull it over, but was secretly delighted with the knowledge that Utena had been paying such close attention to her back then underneath her carefree attitude. “Alright”, she admitted and raised her hands in mock surrender: “I can see the jig is up. _Si, parlo italiano_ …”

“I knew it!” Utena triumphantly punched the air, then added: “I may be a fool, but I am at times a perceptive fool … “

“I can’t argue with that.”

Utena suddenly had a playful expression on her face as she said: “Actually, if you know you’re a fool, but decide to be one anyway, does that still make you a fool?”

Anthy couldn’t resist quipping back: “It makes you even more of a fool than anybody else. Only the greatest fool would choose to be a fool.”

In response, Utena dramatically let herself fall backwards onto the couch. “Well, when you say it like that … I’m just going to lie here for a while.”

Anthy sat down next to her. “I forgot to mention something very important just then”, she said gently, then leaned in and kissed her. “I adore fools.”

“The offer still stands, but no pressure.” Utena smiled as she put her jacket on. “I know you’re still tired after last night.” She absent-mindedly patted her pockets. “Huh, I could’ve sworn my keys were in this coat … I know I just had them.”

Anthy had been called by a farmer in the middle of the night to help with an emergency with one of his animals and she was completely drained after the ordeal.

“Thanks, but I –“, she tried to suppress a yawn, “I think I wouldn’t be great company in this state. I will go next time, but right now I need to eat and go to bed. Oh, and your keys are here in the kitchen, you left them on the table again.”

“Don’t worry about tonight!”, Utena said cheerfully and Anthy knew she meant it. “Get some sleep and I’ll be careful not to wake you when I get back. Ah, by the way … that doesn’t look very stable …”

Chu-chu agreed loudly in between bites of the homemade cookies Utena had left out for him on the kitchen table.

Anthy had been trying to reach the top shelf of the store cupboard and had resorted to standing on a bucket. “It’s just for a second, it should hold …”

Of course, that was the moment the bucket toppled and if Utena hadn’t caught her, their evening might have ended with a trip to A&E.

Anthy gasped, not just from the shock. Utena’s hands were around her waist and their faces were so close together …

A sudden knock on the window brought them back to the present.

Utena gently set Anthy back on her feet as they saw a young man standing outside on their veranda – and judging by his expression he seemed rather embarrassed.

“Do you know him?”, Anthy asked, trying to keep the note of anxiety in her voice to a minimum.

“It’s Kaido, I’ve known him since childhood”, Utena said and gave her a brief reassuring squeeze, as if she’d known what was going through Anthy’s mind. “I’ll let him in, ok?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt!”, Kaido said as he stepped inside and laughed nervously, “I rang the doorbell and when nobody answered, I figured I’d check round the back – did you forget that it was my turn to drive?”

Utena groaned. “Sorry, it completely slipped my mind.”

Kaido had been busy cleaning his steamed-up glasses and it was only when he put them on again that he properly noticed Anthy.

“Kaido, this is Himemiya Anthy,” Utena introduced them.

At the mention of her name, Kaido seemed to freeze, his expression changed from awkward self-consciousness to alert wariness. “Ah, so … _you’r_ e Himemiya?”, he said in a very neutral tone. Anthy could tell he was weighing what to say next.

“Utena …”, he began after a brief pause, “ I don’t know what exactly happened to you all those years ago, but if she’s back in your life – look I just don’t want you to get hurt again.”

“Kaido, stop”, Utena flared up instantly.

“Look, Utena …”, he raised his hands in a pacifying gesture, “I know you don’t want to hear it, but you were … destroyed. I mean, you were in hospital and the doctor’s weren’t sure you were going to wake up – and then, once you had woken up, you just kept saying _I’m sorry Himemiya_ over and over again … Utena, it was awful and if she’s the reason something terrible happened to you-”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about!” Her voice was firm, but Anthy could tell Utena was shaking on the inside.

He wasn’t discouraged. “And you didn’t see yourself back then! Seeing you in so much pain, so much regret … I couldn’t bear it if something like that happened again!” His face had grown flushed and he balled his hands into tight fists at his sides. “I care about you, you know!” He hesitated for second, then continued, his voice softer. “Look it’s not like … it’s like your my sister, Utena. I just don’t want you to go through more pain – you’ve had enough of it in your life, I know that for a fact.”

Utena crossed the room and for a second it seemed like she might slap Kaido … but instead, she put her hands on his shoulders and said: “Listen, Kaido … You’re my oldest friend and I know you mean well. But you’ve got it all wrong … Himemiya wasn’t the cause of all that pain, she didn’t set the cogs in motion … I can’t explain what happened but _trust me_ on this one. Please.”

That was the last thing Anthy heard before she fled into the garden.

She wasn’t alone for long when she heard footsteps approaching her. Before Utena could say anything to defend him, to deny the truth of Kaido’s words she said: “He’s right.”

Behind her, she could hear Utena exhale softly, trying to keep herself calm. “No, he isn’t. He’s put two and two together and made five. He’s coming from a good place … but he’s wrong.”

Anthy had curled herself up like a rosebud, her eyes tightly shut to keep the tears from escaping. “What he said about you …” It was more of a sob than a sentence when she added: “I hurt you so deeply …”

“I hurt you, too.”

“Don’t be-“

“No, please, let me finish”, Utena cut her off and suddenly Anthy realised that she wasn’t the only one on the verge of tears. “What happened – what happened at the end … it was my sacrifice to make … it was my choice. I knew the risk I was taking when I ignored your advice to leave the school. I _knew_ I was going to get hurt one way or another… and I did it anyway, Anthy.” 

She could feel Utena kneel down next to her and take her hands in hers. “Every miracle requires a sacrifice and having you here with me … if it isn’t a miracle, I don’t know what is”, she whispered hoarsely. “Please believe me.”

_Always so generous and forgiving …_

Anthy opened her eyes and finally let her tears flow. “You know”, she choked out, “It’s dangerous to be that selfless. I’ve seen what it can do to people … you need to look after yourself, too.” When she looked up, she say Utena was crying, too.

But then the other woman managed a watery smile. “It wasn’t selflessness … it’s not like I haven’t reaped a benefit …”, Utena said softly as their lips met.

When they drew apart, the storm of pain inside Anthy’s heart had calmed and her breath came easier.

Utena stroked her cheek. “Come back in. I don’t feel like going out anymore. I’ll make us tea.”

“Don’t forget to put a healthy dose of poison in it”, Anthy murmured and Utena laughed.

“Alright, I will. As long as you didn’t forget to put poison in the cookies.”

She heard Utena come in and instantly knew something was up. Utena didn’t slam the door like she usually did, she didn’t loudly announce her presence, she didn’t rush into the kitchen and start tickling Chu-chu while telling Anthy about her day. Instead, she quietly went upstairs and then made her way back down into the living room, having changed out of her uniform and into her running gear.

Anthy knew something had happened, something to do with work.

“How were the patients today?”, Utena asked her with forced cheeriness and Anthy’s alarm bells went into overdrive.

Instead of answering her question, she cut to the chase: “Utena, is everything alright?”

Utena didn’t meet her eyes, going over to the sink and filling her water bottle instead. “I … I don’t know.”

Anthy could feel her heart racing. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that … “ Utena sighed in frustration and Anthy saw a complicated mix of emotions – guilt, shame, grief, anger, disappointment - run across her features. She turned around and finally looked Anthy in the eye. “I can’t really talk about it right now. I need some time to think.”

“Oh.” Anthy fought hard to keep the panic she felt rising inside her from showing on her face. As smoothly as she could, she said: “Well, if I can help in any way …?”

But Utena wasn’t fooled. The other woman suddenly reached for her hand and pressed it. “Don’t worry! It’s not about you or me or … the past … it’s about work.” Letting go of her hand, Utena began furiously scratching the back of her neck. “I just need time to let it settle – I promise I’ll tell you when I’m ready.” And with that, she opened the back door and was gone.

When she returned from her run, Utena seemed more composed and she apologised to Anthy, saying she hoped she hadn’t upset her. But she didn’t explain what had happened and Anthy decided not to push her.

The rest of the evening, Utena was subdued and went to bed a lot earlier than usual. As Anthy crept into the room, she could tell Utena wasn’t sleeping, even though she had her eyes shut and was breathing slowly and deeply.

Needless to say, Anthy couldn’t sleep either. She just lay there and tried to ignore the grey dread weighing down her insides.

After what felt like hours, she saw Utena stir slightly, sit up, cast a cautious look in Anthy’s direction and after deducing that she must be asleep, slowly get up and tiptoe out of the room.

Anthy waited a short while before she followed her. Downstairs was dark, Utena hadn’t turned on the lights, but the back door was open and letting in the moonlight.

She found Utena staring up at the night sky, her arms wrapped tightly around her chest.

“You’re going to catch cold”, Anthy warned her, trying to keep her voice as even as possible.

Utena didn’t react, just stood there with her head tossed back and her bangs hiding her eyes from view.

Anthy couldn’t keep it in any longer. “Utena, talk to me! This is agony, I can’t bear seeing you like this.” She suddenly realised she was shaking. “Please open up to me. Don’t you remember? If you ever have a problem …”

Utena seemed to crumble at those words, like a tower collapsing in on itself she sank to her knees and buried her face in her hands.

Anthy rushed to her side and embraced her, overcome with regret and fear. Had she accidentally pushed her too far? She was about to beg Utena for forgiveness, tell her she should’ve waited until she was ready, but before she could say any of those things, Utena began to speak.

“Today, a woman came in … “ Utena’s voice was quavering and Anthy thought she saw a tear leaking through the fingers she had pressed to her face. “Anthy … she had bruises all over her body … she wanted to press charges at first, wanted to go to the women’s shelter I pointed her to, we were going help her find legal aid … then she suddenly backed out.” Her shoulders began to heave. “I felt so helpless. I couldn’t do anything, just had to watch her go back to an awful situation. I wanted to help so badly, but I couldn’t.”

It took Anthy a minute to take it in. Then, she gently moved Utena’s head onto her lap and began to stroke her hair.

“This has happened before”, Utena whispered and finally dropped her hands from her face, revealing the tears clinging to her eyelashes. “It still hurts me every time. I didn’t want to tell you at first. I don’t want to force you to remember things you’d rather forget. I’m sorry for worrying you, but I didn’t want to re-open old wounds …”

“Thank you for telling me.” Anthy meant it but she took her time before she spoke again, choosing her next words carefully: “You truly do have a noble heart. But even you can’t save everyone. People … people have to save themselves, too. I’m not saying it’s her fault in any way, I know myself how … _trapped_ … you can get … but you did what you could. You offered to help, you reached out your hand, but it’s up to the other person to take it.” She bent down and looked Utena in the eye. “You can’t singlehandedly defeat all the evil in this world … the fact that you are willing to stretch out your hand is the greatest gift of all.”

The night time breeze carried the scent of roses and both of them knew they weren’t just talking about the events of the day.

“I know. It’s just … I apologise, I feel terrible burdening you like this”, Utena murmured.

“Don’t.” Anthy gently touched her fingers to Utena’s lips. “I _want_ to know, I _want_ you to tell me things … the same way I want to tell you if something is troubling me. You have to open up to me, too, Utena, it has to go both ways.”

Wordlessly, Utena reached for Anthy’s hand, interlacing their fingers and Anthy knew she understood.

“Are you sure you’re comfortable?”, Anthy mumbled into the semi-darkened bedroom.

Utena turned onto her side to face her. “I’m fine”, she whispered, “Sorry, I hope I didn’t wake you up.”

“No, don’t worry, I wasn’t asleep yet.” Utena had never woken her up when she came in from a late shift, she was always very considerate. “It’s just that you were twitching a lot for someone who’s fine.”

“It’s nothing,”, Utena yawned and shifted her position slightly, “Just a slight pain in my back.”

Knowing the way she liked to downplay things, she was probably in agony.

“Have you taken a painkiller?”, Anthy asked and propped herself up on her elbow in order to get a better look at Utena’s expression.

“Mm-hm, I had one earlier … “, Utena sighed and Anthy thought she saw her wince slightly.

“But you’re still in pain …”

“I’ll be fine”, the other girl murmured.

“You’ve been having a lot of back pain lately”, Anthy said.

Utena sighed again, this time with more energy though. “Yeah, it’s getting annoying. I wonder why …”, she trailed off sleepily.

“I’m sure the fact that you’re sleeping on a half-deflated air mattress has nothing to do with it”, Anthy said dryly.

Her observation was met with a rueful laugh. “You may have a point there, Dr. Himemiya”, Utena said, “Guess I’ll look for a new one tomorrow.”

“You know”, Anthy said quietly, “I can think of an even simpler solution to your predicament.”

Utena raised her head slightly and Anthy could see rare gleam of mischief light up her eyes: “Anthy, it is illegal to offer me veterinary painkillers, you know that, right? I’d hate to have to arrest you.”

Anthy found herself giggling. “Hmm, good thing you reminded me, I was about to commit a terrible mistake. But aside from that …” She let her voice trail off. Silence fell and the room seemed to grow darker with it.

“Don’t stop now, I’m curious”, Utena said quietly, her body completely still.

Anthy pushed the blanket back and the crinkle of the fabric suddenly seemed incredibly loud. She then leaned down over the edge of the bed, knowing her long hair would tickle Utena’s face. She heard Utena’s breath catch in the back of her throat in response. For a second, they were both frozen like that, their faces close, their breaths mingling. Then Utena reached out and gently ran her hands through Anthy’s hair.

“Well, if I may make a suggestion … “, Anthy whispered, “If I were you, I’d stop being difficult … and get into bed.”

Utena didn’t require further persuasion.


	6. Chapter 6

The morning was disrupted by the sound of the telephone ringing.

“S’okay, I’ll get it”, Utena mumbled sleepily and got out of bed before Anthy had even properly registered what was going on, “I’ve a hunch who it might be.”

Anthy looked up from her crosswords in surprise (she hadn’t been able to finish it the night before). It wasn’t like Utena to be so active in the morning.

From the hall she overheard fragments of conversation: “It’s good to hear from you … I was about to get up soon anyway …”

Anthy knew that one was a lie.

“I know, I know … yes … oh really? … that’s great news … mh-hm …”

A few minutes later Utena padded back into their bedroom and let herself fall face first onto the sheets next to Anthy. “Soooo … tired …”, she murmured as she crept back under the blankets.

“Good morning to you, too”, Anthy said in her most cheery voice, knowing it was sure way to get a rise out of Utena.

“Too soon”, Utena groaned and hid her head under the pillow. But after a less than a minute her face reappeared. “It’s no use”, she sighed and blinked in the morning sunlight, “I’m awake …” She turned and squinted at Anthy. “Good morning Himemiya. Back on the crosswords again?”

“Your powers of perception are truly terrifying”, Anthy teased and put the pen down, “I can see why you’re a police officer.”

Utena laughed, then sat up and leaned over to get a better look at the page. Their shoulders brushed and Anthy could smell that strawberry shampoo Utena liked to use …

“How you do these”, Utena said and brought her back to the present, “Amazing. You’ve got them all – oh wait, that one’s missing.”

“Yes, that one is tricky”, Anthy admitted.

“Let’s hear the clue, maybe I can help.”

“It’s … a five-letter word for the part of the stem that protects the flower.” Anthy bit her lip in frustration. “I should know this … but I can’t think of anything.”

Utena closed her eyes for a second in concentration, then said: “Calyx.”

“Oh. Wow.” Anthy quickly jotted it down. “It fits … you never seize to surprise me. How did you know that one?”

Utena just smirked. “I can’t be giving all my secrets away … otherwise I’ll lose my air of mystery.”

“Air of mystery? You?’ Anthy arched an eyebrow in mock disdain.

Utena tried – and failed – to suppress a yawn. “Anyway, now that it’s done we should send in the solution, maybe you’ll win something again!”

Anthy won the crossword prize on a fairly regular basis. Unfortunately, the prizes tended to be dictionaries and they now had quite a sizeable collection … maybe she’d let another person win this week.

“By the way, it was my aunt that rang earlier.” Utena absent-mindedly rubbed her shoulder. “She said she’s coming back to Japan next week – I should head over to her apartment and give it a clean-up, make sure it hasn’t gotten too dusty … I haven’t been over in ages so it’s bound to be in a bit of a state since she’s been gone for a while now … just a heads-up, she’s nice but she can be a bit … much.”

“In what way?”

“It’s not that we don’t get on, Aunt Yurika just has very different ideas about, well … everything really. It’s hard to explain.” Utena paused for a second. “I’m really grateful to her for looking after me. It’s not like she signed up for the job, but she took me on even though she didn’t have to. She can just be a bit of a handful at times … actually, I’m sure she says the same about me”, she added with a short laugh. “Oh, and she’ll probably want to come over for dinner sometime once she’s settled in.”

Anthy had noticed that Utena had started rambling like she usually did when she was agitated. Time to lighten the mood.

“I consider myself warned.” Wearing her most devious smile, she asked: “ Do you want me to cook? I could make a curry … ”

“Anthy, I know I said she can be a handful, but there’s no need to resort to the big guns yet”, Utena chuckled.

“So quick to assume the worst … I meant a perfectly ordinary curry, it’s a very straightforward dish”, she said innocently.

Utena raised an eyebrow quizzically. “Is it now?”

“Mix anything and it can be curry.”

“Hm, I’m not sure that’s how cooking works. Forget curry, that sounds more like a recipe for disaster …” Utena took her hands in hers and grinned: “I mean this in the kindest way possible, but please, please, _please_ let me handle the cooking. You could make your signature shaved ice for dessert though.”

Yurika did in fact ask to have dinner with them as soon as she returned a week later and Utena had prepared spaghetti bolognese, which apparently was her aunt’s favourite. 

She looked very different to Utena, Anthy thought when she let her in. Her blonde hair was cut in a short, professional bob and she had the air of someone who was extremely competent at what they did for a living and thought that it automatically translated into competency at life in general. A short person bursting with energy, her personality was enough to fill the narrow hallway and Anthy was relieved when they moved into the wider living room.

“You have so many pets!”, Yurika exclaimed and narrowly escaped tripping over one of their many cats which had woven itself between her legs.

Anthy could tell the other woman was studying her closely now that they had moved into the brighter room. Aunt Yurika noted her matching skirt and blouse and seemed to approve very much of her neat and feminine appearance.

“You must be Himemiya-san, yes?”, she asked her, then continued without waiting for an answer, “Utena has told me about you. You’re a vet, aren’t you?”

“Yes, I – “

“In that case, it’s only natural you’d have so many pets”, Yurika said with a smile and Anthy got the feeling that if she had chosen any other profession, Utena’s aunt might not have extended so much goodwill towards her fondness of animals.

Yurika then turned towards the kitchen. “Utena-chan!”, she called, “Is that your bolognese sauce I can smell?” Turning to Anthy, she whispered conspiratorially: “She knows that’s my favourite. She drives me mad, but she’s a good girl, really.”

Utena came through and greeted her aunt warmly. Anthy could tell that although they were like chalk and cheese, there was genuine fondness between the two. Her aunt fussed over Utena and chided her for her choice of clothes. “I’ve just met Miss Himemiya over here”, Yurika said, “I must say, I hope she teaches you how to dress nicely like she does. Really, Utena, if I had your figure I would-“

“Auntie”, Utena protested and blushed, “We’ve been over this so many times!”

“Yes, well, as your aunt I have to tell you these things, nobody else will”, Yurika said breezily and turning to Anthy, she added: “You know, this one used to be in trouble every week when she was in school. Do you know what she used to do? She insisted on a wearing a boy’s uniform!”

“Oh, really?”, Anthy said, managing to contain a giggle under a mask of polite interest.

“It was like an obsession … and such a shame, she would’ve looked lovely in the sailor uniform”, Utena’s aunt lamented loudly.

“I can believe that”, Anthy said and couldn’t resist smirking at Utena, who looked like she wanted the earth to swallow her up.

_I mean, even though you hated it, you did look lovely._

“That’s not even the worst”, Yurika continued and lowered her voice dramatically, “When she was just a little girl, she kept going on about wanting to be a prince! I kept telling her that she could be _with_ a prince instead … I can’t tell you how many teachers have asked to speak with me after class about that.”

“Ah …”, Anthy said, not sure how to reply to that.

It turned out a response wasn’t needed. “Such a funny and wilful child”, Yurika sighed, then reached up to pat her niece’s arm, “But now that you’re all grown up, I miss that. Who’d have thought?”

Utena decided to switch the subject. “Tell us about you, Auntie! How are things in Amsterdam, how is … um … Pieter? Will he be joining us?”

They were then treated to a barrage of information about various projects she was running, the unreliable nature of Dutch men and a blow-by-blow account of the trouble she’d had on the journey which lasted until they finally sat down to eat.

“So … you’ve been living with Utena since you moved here, Himemiya-san?”, Yurika then directed the flow of conversation towards Anthy.

“Yes”, she replied quickly and smiled at Utena across the table, “She was kind enough to let me stay here with her.”

“She’s lucky to have someone as neat and proper as yourself as a housemate”, Yurika said, pointedly glancing in Utena’s direction, “I hope you’ll rub off on her.”

Neither Utena nor Anthy quite knew how to respond to that.

The food was delicious but Utena was just pushing hers around on her plate, Anthy noticed with mild alarm.

“Auntie?”, Utena said after a brief hesitation, “Do you remember what I said about-“

“But I take it you’ll want to move out into a place of your own at some stage, right?”, Yurika interrupted her and continued speaking to Anthy, “A pretty girl like you will want to have her own place, perhaps you want to share somewhere with your boyfriend?”

“I don’t have a boyfriend, nor do I want -“, Anthy replied just as Utena said: “Um, Auntie, about what I told you -“

“Oh, well, I’m not surprised, you have no privacy here!”, the woman cut across them both, “Utena, stop keeping your friend all to yourself, she wants to go out and meet people. In fact, you should, too, it’s time you had a boyfriend of your own.”

“Actually, I really enjoy living with Utena”, Anthy said firmly.

“Nonsense, you’re just being polite, I can tell”, Yurika brushed her off, “You must be tired of only having that small room –“

“We’re engaged.”

Anthy and Utena had both spoken at the same time and after overcoming their initial surprise, had to fight hard to maintain a straight face.

“I’m sorry?” Anthy knew Yurika had heard very well, but wanted to pretend she hadn’t.

“I said we’re engaged”, she clarified, “Utena and I. To each other, that is.” She couldn’t spell it out any more clearly than that.

Aunt Yurika slowly put her cutlery down. “But … when did this happen?”

“Oh …” She blanked, but luckily Utena took over.

“It … um … happened very shortly after we first met.”

_I guess “When we were in middle school” wouldn’t have sounded right._

“Wait, so …”, Yurika closed her eyes for a long second, “You two are friends _like that_?”

“Yes.”

“But … I don’t understand”, Yurika said and furrowed her brow, “You do know you can’t get married in this country-“

“Which is why we’re engaged”, Utena intercepted her smoothly, “There’s no law prohibiting that, I should know.”

“Oh. I see. I see …”, Yurika said slowly.

“Is that a problem?”, Utena asked quietly.

Her aunt hesitated for a second. “No … no, I suppose not … I guess it will take some getting used to.”

It was at that moment that Chu-chu decided to let himself dramatically fall from the ceiling into the middle of the table in order to beg for food. The distraction he caused diffused some of the awkward tension and by the time Anthy had served up her shaved ice, Aunt Yurika was back to her usual self.

A knock interrupted Anthy’s brief lunch break. It was the practice’s secretary that stuck her head through the door.

“There’s a phone call for you, Dr. Himemiya”, Mariko said, “It’s from Officer Tenjou.”

A tight knot of dread formed in Anthy’s stomach: this had never happened before. She quickly followed Mariko into the hall and had to stop herself from impatiently snatching the receiver out of the girl’s hand.

“Utena, is everything alright? You don’t usually call while I’m in work.”

“Everything is fine! Sorry, I hope I’m not interrupting anything’, Utena said apologetically.

“No, no”, Anthy replied and scolded herself for getting worked up so easily.

“I just heard that there’s going to be a demonstration on the Central Plaza today and I thought I’d let you know since you don’t like crowds”, Utena continued hastily, “So, you might want to walk a different way home.”

Anthy felt warmth flood her from head to toe.

It was a hot summer’s day and the park was bustling with people. The air smelt of baked earth and dried grass.

“Chu!” Her companion riding on her shoulder was begging her for an ice-cream cone, but she had to be firm.

“Don’t you remember what happened last time?”, Anthy chided him gently. “Wait until we get back home and you can have some of the cake Utena made for us.”

Anthy slowly made her way over to the basketball court. Anthy watched Utena give the girls a pep-talk before dismissing them. A small flurry of young girls came rushing past Anthy to the cluster of parents waiting for them.

Utena slowly walked over to join her, bouncing a basketball alongside her as she did.

“Ok, so you were right”, she said with a sigh as she reached her, “I should’ve worn sun cream.”

Anthy was way ahead of her and just wordlessly handed her the after-sun lotion with only the slightest of smirks. It was hard to tell if Utena was blushing under her sunburn.

As the girls walked off with their parents, they waved at them both and some loudly proclaimed they were going to beat the other team next time for sure.

“They really love you”, Anthy said quietly.

“They’re great kids.” Utena snapped the lid of the plastic bottle shut. “I wish there’d been more girls like that when I was young … or maybe there were, but they just didn’t think they’d be allowed to play basketball, like it wasn’t girly enough.”

“Well, you might’ve minded not being the only girl getting attention from your adoring fans. You had quite the following if I remember correctly …”

“It wasn’t like that!”, Utena laughed and this time she was definitely blushing.

“Are you sure … because I seem to remember that most weeks your locker was bursting with letters from your many admirers…” Anthy let her voice trail off and Utena’s face somehow managed to redden even more.

“Anyway … ”, Utena said as she rubbed the after-sun into her flushed face, “Did you manage to ring your friends? Are we good for this weekend?”

“Yes, they were in this time, so that’s our plans for Saturday sorted. Oh and by the way …”

Anthy reached out and gently ran her thumb over Utena’s jawline, smoothing over a few flecks of lotion. “You missed a bit there.”

Ginko and Kuneha had been dying to meet Utena and took to her immediately. Utena for her part had been eager to find out more about what Anthy had been like in college. As they were driving home, Utena turned to her and said: “So, according to your friends you were breaking hearts all across the campus.” She flashed a grin at Anthy. “Can’t say I’m surprised. And there you were teasing me about my admirers at school!”

Anthy wanted to match her playful mood, but she found herself staring out at the sunset instead. It was a beautiful evening sky, with bands of pink and purple intertwining along the horizon.

“Anthy?”

She let her head thud against the passenger window. “It was actually very irritating. And …”

“And what?” She could feel Utena looking at her and closed her eyes.

“Well, it was just …” How could she describe it? “It sounds silly even in my head.”

“C’mon. I doubt it’s silly … and if it is, I want to be in on the joke”, Utena said gently.

Anthy took a moment to collect her thoughts and Utena didn’t push her. Fields and houses rushed past the window. Anthy liked being driven by Utena. She drove confidently without racing. Knowing she was at the wheel made her feel safe.

Finally, she spoke. “I resented it because I felt like it was my … _lack_ … of personality they were attracted to, rather than the person I am. I’m more reserved and that doesn’t reel people in. Not that I mind. But the only people that are drawn to that are people who want to project their desires onto you. Whereas you, you have a lovely, bright personality and people can’t help wanting to be close to you.”

“And there I was thinking it was my beautiful legs that won me my admirers, but no, it’s because I’m a loudmouth.”

Anthy could tell Utena was trying to lighten the mood and had to smile despite herself. “You know full well that that wasn’t what I meant.”

The next time Utena spoke, her voice was very soft. “It reminded you of being the Rose Bride.”

“Yes.” It was more a sigh than a sentence.

Utena took her eyes off the road for second and held Anthy’s gaze. “You may seem quiet on the surface … but you are packed to the brim with personality, let me tell you that. Anybody who thinks otherwise is an even greater fool than me.” She smiled a little self-consciously. “And that’s saying something.”

“Are you sure about this?”, Utena asked her as she loaded the supplies into the car.

They hadn’t planned on going for an evening drive, but Anthy had found an article in the papers about a comet that was meant to be visible that night and had – after some cajoling – persuaded Utena to go and see it properly.

“I know what you’re thinking … but he doesn’t have a monopoly on the night sky.” Anthy’s voice was steady as she looked towards the setting sun.

Utena smiled tentatively, then nodded. “Alright. C’mon Chu-chu, let’s go!” Anthy watched him jump from his perch on Utena’s shoulder – his favourite spot – into the car and nestle himself into a corner of the dashboard. As they set off, Anthy found a thought crossing her mind …

_I’m ready to look at the real ones now._

They were guided by the evening star as they drove, it shone straight ahead of them just above the horizon. It had been a hot day, so they let the windows down and enjoyed the cooler evening air. Anthy thought Utena looked beautiful with her hair flowing in the breeze and her features illuminated by the fading sun.

Utena caught her looking. “Did you ever think about taking driving lessons, Anthy?”, she asked.

Anthy smirked in response. “Why would I, with a handsome chauffeur like you on hand.”

She saw Utena struggle to suppress a grin. “Cheeky. But it might be nice to know that you could go wherever you want when the fancy takes you.”

“Hmm.” She had never really felt the need to learn to drive. Suddenly she remembered the strange dream she’d had shortly after leaving Ohtori, it had involved her racing a bright pink sportscar … “I suppose I‘d usually take the train when I feel that way.”

“I don’t know why, but I get the feeling you’d be a good driver … I could give you a little impromptu lesson today, if you like? There’s a parking lot at the national park, it should be empty at this time”, Utena suggested and Anthy saw her face light up with enthusiasm.

“Funny you should say that …” Inexplicably, she found herself getting excited. “I guess we can give it a go.”

When they pulled up to the parking lot, it was almost deserted, with only two other vehicles there.

“Ok, I’ll move us as far away from them as possible … ”, Utena murmured distractedly as she pulled into an empty space in the middle of the car park. She turned and grinned at Anthy. “Ready to take the wheel?”

The honest answer to that question would have been “Not really” but Anthy didn’t want to look like a coward. After they switched seats, Utena leaned over and started explaining all the different pedals and levers.

“Ok, so these are the gears. You can only change them when you press that pedal there … yes, that’s it. That’s the clutch. It connects the engine to the car. When you press it down, it disconnects the two and allows you to change gear. When it’s like this in the middle, it’s in neutral. We’ll only need the first and second gears for now, so this is how you move between them ….” She was practically floating with excitement and Anthy couldn’t help but catch some of it.

“Ok, now let’s look at the pedals”, Utena continued and pointed at the footwell, “So, on the far right is the accelerator, in the middle is the brake and I’d say they are pretty self-explanatory.”

Anthy looked thoughtful and bit her lip. “I get the feeling the accelerator makes you go slower and the brake makes you go faster.”

Utena rolled her eyes. “Har har. You just aced your theory test.”

“So, what do I have to do to get started?”

“Press the clutch down … good, now move the gear lever into first …”

“Now?” Anthy was beginning to enjoy this.

“Ok, you have to do this _very_ slowly … “, Utena said and pointed at the clutch, “Ok, so very gently let the clutch pedal - “ As she’d spoken, Anthy had let the clutch out and the engine died instantly.

“Oh no, I’ve messed up.”

Utena just laughed. “No, it’s ok, just press it down again and turn the ignition … see we’re back. Now, really slowly let the clutch come up until you hear the engine connecting – yes, now keep it there! Hear that? That means you’ve hit the biting point, the point when the engine connects to the clutch.”

“Ok … so what do I do now?”

“Give just a little bit of gas and then let the clutch out all the way-“

The engine sputtered and died once more.

“I’ve done it wrong again, haven’t I …”, Anthy sighed in frustration.

“No, don’t worry, it takes a while to get the balance right! It’s totally normal, took me a while as well”, Utena said, then added thoughtfully: “I know what might help. Maybe take off your shoes for a minute. Ok, now you should be able to feel the biting point a bit better … now try again.”

“I almost had it this time!”, Anthy lamented: the car had moved a few metres before the engine died _again_.

“Hmmm …” Utena suddenly turned slightly pink. “I might be able to help you with this … may I?” She moved her hands slightly and Anthy saw what she meant to do.

This was an interesting development. Anthy raised an eyebrow. “Go on …”

“Here, now I’ll do this for you and that should give you an idea … “ She gently put her hands on Anthy’s legs just above the knee and moved them.

“You know, they say you shouldn’t distract the driver”, Anthy teased.

Utena flushed further and laughed. “Behave, we’re in public … ah, where was I? Oh, yeah, so now I’ll add a bit of gas and if you can just get the balance between the pedals like _this_ … then we’re off.”

Surprisingly, Anthy suddenly knew what she meant and her next attempts were successful.

“Well, I had no idea driving lessons could be this enjoyable …”, she replied when Utena declared she had made great progress.

“We’ll make a rally driver out of you yet”, Utena said and kissed her. “Now, let’s get going before the light fades!”

It turned out Anthy had seriously underestimated how far they would have to walk to get to a good viewing spot.

“Are we almost there?”, she asked, trying to hide her breathlessness.

“Yup … just a little bit further”, Utena said as she squinted up ahead. She wasn’t even remotely out of breath and Anthy was beginning to work up a sweat.

“The view better be as good as promised … or I will have gotten all dishevelled for nothing.”

“Dishevelled? Really?” For some reason, Utena began to grin.

“What’s so funny?”

The grin stayed on Utena’s face. “Nothing …”

“Hmm … this isn’t like you, being all mischievous”, Anthy observed through narrowed eyes.

“What can I say, you must’ve rubbed off on me.”

As they continued, the incline became steeper and Anthy was breathing more heavily with each step. Wordlessly, Utena reached over, took the heavy blanket Anthy had been carrying and flashed her an encouraging smile. The sky had turned from pink to deepest violet, which was slowly beginning to shade into black.

“It’s just up ahead now.”

“Praise be!” Anthy didn’t bother concealing her relief.

She saw Utena slow down for her. “You know …”, the taller woman said, “If you like I could give you some help …”

“What? Oh …” It took her a second to understand what she meant.

“C’mon, I see you huffing and puffing. Climb on!”, Utena said, “Quickly, before I change my mind.”

Anthy grinned and launched herself onto Utena’s back.

“Oof – I said climb on, not jump on!”, Utena let out and staggered before finding her feet again.

“I always saw Wakaba doing this with you … I wanted to know what it felt like”, Anthy said and pressed her face into Utena’s hair. She could feel the other woman grab her legs and hoist her up.

“Well, I can tell you, you’re both heavier than you look!”, Utena groaned as she straightened, but Anthy could see that she was smiling despite the effort.

“I see why she did it so often”, Anthy whispered into Utena’s ear, “This is fun. I could get used to it …”

“I’m beginning to think I may have made a terrible mistake”, Utena wheezed as she bravely lurched forward.

“Too late now!”, Anthy said cheerfully and kissed the back of her neck.

Finally, they reached their destination. They made themselves comfortable and Utena turned on the small transistor radio they had taken with them. The newspaper article that had brought them here had said that the local radio station was going to report where in the sky the comet was to be seen, but she was having difficulty tuning in and eventually gave up. However, as the night drew in, it turned out that they didn’t need help in locating the comet: it was proudly streaking across the sky, its trail a line of silver cutting through the surrounding darkness.

_A comet may belong to no one, but that’s alright … if it wants to, it will come back to you eventually …_

It was a beautiful sight. A vast sky surrounded them and from where they were standing, the ground below felt distant and small, as though they were floating through the night. The heavens had turned an inky black and the town’s lights were so far away that they resembled the stars twinkling above.

Suddenly, the old radio sputtered to life and a piano melody began to play.

_This rose is our destiny …_

Anthy turned to Utena and held out her hand. They began to dance, hesitantly at first, then spinning faster and faster, twirling among the stars.


	7. Epilogue

It was a cloudy autumn day. The sun was mild, lighting up the sky with rays that seemed more subdued than usual. It had begun to rain in very fine droplets.

A car pulled up rather sharply outside the tall, imposing church. It was sporting a green and yellow badge, indicating a new driver was at the wheel. Two women got out, each of them possessing an unusual hair colour. The one that got out of the driver’s side had vast purple curls, whereas the slightly taller one emerging from the passenger’s side had long pink hair.

The woman with the pink hair retrieved a wreath of roses from the back of the car as her purple-haired companion opened an umbrella and held it over her. Together, they walked over to the small graveyard that lay by the side of the church.

At the sight of a single white tombstone, they came to a halt. The taller woman seemed to hesitate a moment before gently placing the wreath on the grave. Her companion reached for her and drew her closer, wrapping her arm around her waist.

After a while, the rain grew heavier and the couple set off towards the church.

Inside, their footsteps echoed through the cavernous hall. The rain was pattering softly against the long stained-glass windows.

Utena approached the back of the church, where the shadows seemed to grow thicker.

_Once upon a time, there was a little girl who was very sad, for she had lost something dear to her, and so she had decided to hide in a coffin._

But that was the past.

Utena turned and set off towards the other end of the hall where Anthy was waiting for her at the altar like the Rose Bride she had once been. As she walked up to her, she held her gaze like she had done the first time.

“I finally remember”, Anthy said quietly.

Utena smiled. “I knew you would eventually.”

Their hands joined.

“There’s no such thing as something eternal”, Utena said, but her voice was calm, not filled with despair like it had been the last time she had said those words out loud. “The good things … but also the bad things … they can be changed.”

“If it’s what your heart truly desires”, Anthy added slowly. 

They turned and left the confines of the church behind, striding confidently into the world outside, the sun and rain painting a rainbow over their heads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fell hard for this show. It’s so beautiful and has an air of vague sadness that really grips you. The finale was … amazing. I am so glad I found this anime and that this wonderful fandom is alive and kicking (thank you, Empty Movement!) 
> 
> Now, I feel like every Utena fan creates their own post-series headcanon as a means of healing from the sheer emotional overload of the ending and, well, this is mine. Personally, I see the movie as a continuation of the series, it makes a lot of sense to me (Anthy seems to be in love with Utena from the very start and at the end Utena says “I remember everything now, why you sought me out and why I didn’t reject you”). However, for the sake of simplicity, I decided that in this story, they wouldn’t recall it fully. That said, I liked the character development they both got with regard to letting go of the need for a prince and wanted to make my Anthy and Utena feel like they really have grown up – but in a good way. Most of all, I didn’t want this fic to be too angsty – they have been through enough and deserve a lifetime of gay domestic bliss!
> 
> I once read somewhere that the best revenge for all the wrongs you have suffered is to choose to live a good life and I have tried to channel that when writing this. With regard to the reunion scene, I took my inspiration from the opening's lyrics – I always thought of that bit as the hidden epilogue, since most of Rinbu-Revolution is from Anthy’s perspective as she leaves Ohtori behind. 
> 
> Anyway, now I am going to try to live my life heroically and with style … by starting to write all the essays I have been putting off while I was busy with this. Priorities, I got ‘em. 
> 
> If you have any thoughts or feedback I would love to hear it!


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